Chico's Bail Bonds

This is a landmark case.

Barry Bonds indicted on perjury and obstruction charges goes well beyond baseball, steroids, and home run records. Oh, no. This is a far more compelling drama than a mere betting scandal or simple sports controversial, series-changing player suspension. This is a case where illegal drugs, America's hallowed historical past time, the American justice system, and hero-worship implicate every last living American in crimes against culture.

We are compelled to pay attention to this story because EVERYONE has an opinion about baseball. Whether revered for its tradition or reviled for its pace, everyone in America recognizes baseball as a cultural commonality. This is why everyone has an opinion about Barry Bonds. Even casual baseball fans, people whose only contact with the sport is the five minutes at the end of the ten o'clock news, "hate" Bonds and want to see him strung up because he (allegedly) cheated. He soiled the records.

Forget the fact that the second most hallowed record - the single-season home run mark - had already been the subject of controversy, not once, but twice before Barry Bonds came along in 2001. Forget the fact that Roger Maris hit his record-breaking 61st home run on the last day of a season eight games longer than Ruth's 60 home run seasons. And most importantly, forget the fact that three years prior, Maris' record was broken by a man now mired in this steroid controversy. That's not even mentioning Sammy Sosa.

EVERYBODY knows who Barry Bonds is. He's that jerk who charges kids for autographs and starts fights in the dug out. He's that arrogant bastard who plays solely for the money, despite his pedigree. He's the angry black man earning more in one year than his father and godfather combined earned in their entire careers, making up for past sins of the white man.

Real or not, that sums up the general perception of the reigning home run king. In mainstream terms, he is very easy to hate. Nothing like that OJ guy. So let's string him up.

This case points to celebrity and race, and it points to our cultural belief of the qualities that comprise a hero, whether that man is a baseball player, a football player, a supreme court justice, or a president. This is a case of a white justice system persecuting a prominent black athlete.

If Law and Order has taught me anything, it is that perjury and obstruction of justice are nothing more than prosecutorial knees to the groin. They are a last ditch effort to bring down an opponent who otherwise would not fall.

Bill Clinton was impeached for perjury, though he committed no other crime. Men with a lot to lose tend to lie about trivial things when put under pressure. This is a biological fact, easily verified by talking to any woman who has or has had a cheating boyfriend. Clinton did nothing worthy of losing office, despite the best efforts of a strong Republican contingent to prove otherwise. They couldn't get him thrown out for adultery or real estate scams, so they tried to get him for lying about it.

Unfortunately for Barry, he actually DID commit a crime. He broke a now 17 year old law intended "[t]o amend the Controlled Substances Act to provide criminal penalties for illicit use of anabolic steroids and for coaches and others who endeavor to persuade or induce athletes to take anabolic steroids, and for other purposes." At least, that's what the prosecution believes. They have a positive drug result from four years ago, and they've had it for four years.

So why now? Why let his trainer sit in jail for a year? Even the LAPD had a strong case filled with tons of incriminating evidence (the knife, the gloves, the shoddy alibi) before they went after OJ. A die-hard conspiracy theorist might say that Bud Selig was behind the delay. They decided to let everything play out knowing full well that Bonds was toast. Now the Steroid era gets to come to a nice clean end, and Selig doesn't have to answer questions as to why it happened in the first place. History can forget that he enabled the situation, if only it can be resolved on his watch in the most memorably spectacular courtroom drama.

Is Bonds really the fall guy for Bud Selig's Steroid era of baseball? Why not Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa? Why not Ken Caminiti? Hell, why not Jose Canseco? Here's a guy who openly admits to using steroids, is hated by the general population, and is willing to talk. Why is Jose Canseco any less credible a patsy than a record holder, a retired player, a pathetic comeback player, and a dead guy?

Does it HAVE to be the black guy who speaks English?

I have no doubts that the NAACP and ACLU will use this as case study for any future indictments against prominent black men, even if they don't come to Barry's defense. He DID violate the sacred trust of our most hallowed of events. You can bet that ROE V. BARRY will ultimately be one of the cornerstone cases that people point to when looking for answers to grand ethical questions. It will be compared to cases involving girls with names like Monica, Anita, and Nicole, though there are no women involved here. Just men.

This is fascinating stuff. I can't wait to hear what Gloria Steinem has to say about this.