Suns-Lakers Round 1 Game 2

Pregame

Here we go again. Game 2s have been a let down for Suns fans over the last 10 years, as the Suns have gone 1-10 in these situations, including 5 straight. But we've heard so much about that already, I'm not even going to bother.

So what do we expect in this game? I have no clue. It all depends on how the Suns come out of the tunnel -- loose and ready to fire, or tight and thinking about recent history? Personally, I expect some inside play by the Suns early, either giving it to Amare or letting the other guys drive to the basket. (Chants of KOBE SUCKS! behind Tom and TC begin, and we're all amused.)

As for the Lakers, I expect more ineptness from the bigs because Kwame sucks, too. If Kobe's supporting cast doesn't hit its shots, then this will be a quick game. So let's sit back and enjoy the pregame in the Bud Light Paseo.

Yes, I'm watching the local broadcasts so that I may spare myself the ignorance and pretentiousness of whomever TNT throws at us. Plus, I'll get to see our favorite Room Store commercials featuring Shawn Marion.


James Jones' keys to the game...

1. Contain Kobe

2. Shove Leandro down their throats

3. Play Suns basketball

Nice work, Junior. Now apply that to your jump shot, and this will be a Suns blow out.

Jey's keys to the game...

1. Run

2. Pass

3. Shoot

I like to keep things simple and to the point. If the Suns do all three, the Lakers don't have a Chihuahua's chance in Filiberto's.

I'm a crim'nalllllllllllllllllll set to swipe and steallllllllllllllllllll

Can you feel it? The energy from the Purple Palace permeates the valley, my heart and mind are a-buzz with a good feeling. The Suns should come out loose and firing. We got Tom and Dan calling the game, which is great. Tom "I can't think of a good nickname if my nuts depended on it" Leander makes a great foil for Thunder Dan's tell-it-like-it-is wit during the game. Majerle always makes the game fun, no matter how the Suns play. But this should be a good one all around. I can feel it. Can you?

Checking in with Chuck. His kissing buddy is the lead official for this one, but he's not telling. Not much going on, so it's back to the local cast. Why do we get so many auto parts commercials?

TROPHY GUY MUST DIE!!!

Leandro receives his Sixth Man of the Year award. Did I mention that I LOVE THIS KID?!?!

ARE YOU READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

David Griffin says Leandro vibrates at a different frequency than anyone else, and Kevin Ray asks a question that Arturo Barbosa can't understand...Arturo is happy.

1st Quarter

9:48 Tip off...ball goes to Matrix who hands it off to Nash. Quick cut to the basket misses. Lakers go to Teflon hands, Farmar nails a three. Marion cuts again, and one from Nash. Kobe plays facilitator, and Odom hits a long jumper. Nash misses a long leaner. Walton tries to attack Junior, but the ball is sent into the seats. Nice work again, Junior. Amare breaks free, and it's OOPS UPSIDE YOUR HEAD! OHHHHH!!!! AND STAT REJECTS THE PRINCESS!!! Farmar fouls Nash.

7:46 Amare scores again. Leander needs to drop the "tissue soft" because it's just gay. Marion clanks a three try, ball comes back to the good guys. Amare faces Teflon, and nails it. Kobe's booed bad, he gives it to Odom, and Amare says NOT IN MY HIZZIE!!! Junior nails a three, then so does Kobe. Junior misses, and Amare gets busted trying to get intimate with Kobe. Weak call, but what can you do? Teflon goes for an up-and-under, but Junior bails him out. Should have just left him alone. He would have missed. Amazingly, he hits the first freebie...but not the second. Suns ball.

5:29 Nash's three goes in and out. Bell's doesn't. Nice. Tempo is to the Suns' liking, even as Kobe hits a deuce. Was that a pass or an air ball, Luke? You're lucky Lamar was there. Too bad you missed your assignment on the other end as Nash lays it in. Nash with 5 assists already, and Teflon can't score over Amare. But Amare can score on him...easily. Kobe's afraid of Marion's defense, so he passes to Farmar at the top. He clangs a three, and Odom fouls on the rebound. First time out. Yes, we like this a lot. Suns, 19-15

There's a lot of action in this one, and it's tough to keep up...especially when it takes six and a half minutes for a timeout to be called. But I'd rather have that than what the Lakers want. If Kobe's team mates keep missing, he's going to get impatient.

2:36 Diaw's in with LB, who misses his first three. But if Farmar keeps passing it back to the Suns, this won't be an issue. Kobe passes it into Walton in the post, and it's a miss. Nash over Teflon on the other end. Leandro's getting jobbed by the refs for the second straight trip. Suns in the penalty, and Darth Vader's son hits his free throws. LB passes up the baseline drive and misses another three. Kwame manages to hang onto it long enough to dunk. Raja's hitting his threes. Nice change from last game. Boris gets it in, hesitates, and it takes two tries to drop the lay in. Time out, Throne Sitter.

"I threw paper. I threw a rock." Can't get enough of those Bud Light commercials. I don't drink, but I do appreciate the entertainment value. Sun Devil Auto tries to convince us that their technicians can diagnose your car's issues by drinking used oil. I must mute the Peter Piper Pizza commercial, as I don't understand how "Tease me, cheese me, with toppings that'll please me" is kid-friendly.

Tell Tom not to remind us of the Lakers' 19-0 run in the season opener. That's just bad Karma. Lamar misses over LB, and it's out of bounds to L.A. The Kobe boos start up as he makes it inside. Amazingly, Kurt is out there. LB keeps clanking, but he'll loosen up soon enough. He's the 6th MOY. He has to. Surprise, surprise...Lamar travels and actually gets called for it. Tom says that Suns have no turnovers...again...bad Karma. Diaw's fouled. See? LB hits from 20 feet, and all is right with the world. Bynum gets a miracle bounce as he's swarmed inside. LB FOR THREE!!! I LOVE THIS KID!!! Marion steals it, but the dribble is too high as Kobe gets it back. He misses a three, but Bynum loses it as the buzzer sounds. Suns, 31-25.

Ladies and gentlemen...this is Suns basketball.

Sex sells everything. Coke makes diner waitresses horny for you. Believe it. Refills are free. Butler's hopping out of his pants as the Matrix tells him that the Room Store is a slam dunk. Red Toyota Tundras out run grey brand name pick up trucks.

Just before the second quarter, the Suns are still up, 31-25. No one scored during the break.

2nd Quarter

8:24 Lakers in bound, per NBA rules. Marion deflects the up court pass, but the refs are blind. Kobe can't score on Marion. Someone better remind him, as he throws it away. Diaw posts, Raja slashes, Suns score. Kurt forgets to bend over for a rebound on an Evans miss, but someone fouls a Suns on the next rebound. Wow. LB plays decoy as Diaw gets free in the lane. He pump fakes, and Bynum bumps him as the ball goes in. Missed the free toss, though. He needs to work on that. Suns almost waste good defense, but KT gets the rebound, and LB hits a three in three. But then Bynum gets a dunk. Oops. LB's a bit gimpy, but he gets the steal. Tosses it ahead to Trix, and it's another dunk. Diaw lobs it to Thomas, who can't jump. He kicks it out. Junior's three went AWOL. But Cook's didn't. Leandro ran out of his sneakers, so the Suns call timeout. 40-30, Suns.

Arnold still can't pronounce "California", and he's the freakin' governor. Go figure.

7:05 Leandro ties his shoe, and we start up again. Smush tries to face guard him, but that's comical as LB blows by for the lay up. Cook posts Kurt, and a Diaw block is wasted as Dirty fouls. Shammond Williams comes in. No, I don't know who he is, either. Diaw HAS to take the open shot. He passes out, LB loses it, gets it back, and waddya know...a lay up. Junior blocks...I forget who...Odom, I think...but there's a scramble on the other end as LB lobs it to Marion. He misses, but fights for it. Junior gets it and is promptly fouled. Free throws are good. 46-32

5:58 LB is doing a great job running the point. He launches a 35 footer, but Junior gets it as Leander tells us that the Suns are shooting 54%. Amare misses, but Trix is there for the offensive rebound and put back. Brian Cook thinks he can score under Amare...HA! Travel, Suns ball, time out. 48-24, good purple.

This is getting out of hand for the Lakers, as the Suns just want the ball more. The referees are letting them play (Thank you, Dick "Chuck Smoocher" Bavetta), but won't let it get nuts. Some physical play, but nothing the Suns can't handle.

4:35 I'll say it again...the Lakers cannot guard Leandro. They have NO ONE. Amare makes a nice turn around in the lane. Teflon can't get inside position on Amare. What the hell is he thinking?! Meanwhile, Nash sends the ball high in the air, and Marion sends it home. Kobe still can't score on Marion. Nash gets the rebound, and LB is JUST ON FIRE according to Dan. I look up, and suddenly the Suns are up by 21. 55-34. Sick.

Bryant gets two gimmes, as Marion protests. It was on the floor, Dick! That is your name...DICK.

3:06 Smush manhandles Barbosa, but LB is unfazed. Marion can't hit a jumper. WOW! Screen and roll Nash to Marion who dumps it to Amare for another dunk! BEAUTIFUL team play! Oh...that's who Shammond Williams is. A three baller. Kwame's only answer is to grab Shawn's arm and pray Matrix doesn't explode in his face. Marion makes the first, and the Suns are up by 17. Weren't the Laker fans saying this would be a blow out? L.A. smog must have their vision skewed, as it seems they were half right. 58-41 Suns.

That's one smart fridge. How it steers with no hands is the greatest mystery of mankind. I won't even think about the pedals. So long as it gives us beer, we won't ask.

Little girl with the Purple, orange, and white clown wig. I'm not that much of a fan. Nash is ballin'. He has 9 assists and ZERO turnovers. Majerle isn't surprised, and neither am I. HE SHOULD WIN HIS THIRD MVP!!! TELL HIM DAN-O!!!

2:26 Marion makes the second, and we're up 18. Aggressive double teams on Kobe gets the ball out of his hands. Lamar likes it. He's fouled. Leandro takes a breather with 17 points. Not bad, says Dan. Diaw is in. Lakers can't hit a jump shot, but they're 9-10 from the line. Screen and roll pays dividends again. Amare slams it with both hands. Are you watching, Kwame? THAT's how it's done. Odom gets the call again, but still can't convert.

1:25 YAY JINX!!! Odom misses the first free toss...make that both. But Vader's kid gets it, and Kwame WAS watching. Amare leap frogs the worst finisher in basketball, then gets fouled by him on the other end on yet ANOTHER dunk attempt. Too bad he missed the second. Kwame Brown too strong? Only in reference to a lay up does that make sense. Nash's three goes in, but doesn't like the view, so it pops out. Stat rejects Luke, then Kobe gets the superstar call against Nash. Block, charge, who can tell with Bavetta on the floor?

KOBE SUCKS!!! WE HEAR YOU PALACE!!! Kobe doesn't care. He hits both.

Marion passes up the three and drives for the one hander. Good boy. That's what we want to see. Kwame never learns. Amare was between him and the basket, and Stat gets the rebound. Nash gets a long two, Lakers miss, Diaw gets the finish. THIS, my friends, is Suns basketball. If the Suns play like this every game, NO ONE can beat them. Amare misses a short jumper in transition to beat the clock, and he says, "AW SHUCKS!" Next time, Amare...next time.

Half Time

Suns outscore Los Angeles a ridiculous 36-22 for the 21 point half time lead. Phil's alternate game plan didn't work, so what do they do now? Not a DAMN thing, that's what. This Suns team is on a mission, and no pretender to the throne (pun intended) is going to stand in their way. I said it before the game...the Suns just have to play their game...run, pass, shoot. If they do that, there isn't a team in this league that can beat them. Hyperbolic? Maybe. But can anyone watch this pasting and declare otherwise? Not without sounding like a complete moron.

Kenny Smith says too many lay ups. What's with commentators and their expression of the obvious? They get paid for this? Meanwhile, the NBA reminds me that I'm breaking the law by providing play by play without their express written consent. Screw them. It's my life, my blog, my team. They don't own me!

Suns have 17 assists on 28 baskets. That's 60.7% for those counting at home. Lakers are shooting an abysmal 37.2%, and the Suns give a big Fuck You to the pundits and dimwits who say that the Suns can't play defense. Excuse me, but I've been saying that all year. The Suns are one of the best defensive teams in the league when they try. They're swarming Kobe, allowing only 8 shots, and Luke Walton is missing everything. Suns shoot 57.1%, which begs the question...weren't the Lakers applauding their defense in the first half on Sunday? Yeah...that's what happens when the Suns miss open looks. It makes the opposition look better than they are.

All the Suns have to do is keep running. The Lakers should take a knee and pray, but I doubt that God is listening. He's a Suns fan. I want to see Phoenix lay the hammer lock and blow these punks away. No need for them to think they "can play with this ball club".

3rd Quarter

9:48 Lakers inbound. Kobe misses and Marion rebounds. Amare's fouled as he runs out. He gets one of two, and we're back on D. Lamar just can't get the ball past Amare, but the pump fake draws the foul. Stat's excited, Odom's tight, Walton steps out of bounds. Farmar can't guard Marion, but Kwame's JUST tall enough to block him. Lakers double the ball everywhere, but Nash doesn't care. The ambidextrous lay up goes. Kobe is just not having a good night as Raja pokes it away. Marion scores. Kobe can't hit a three, and Odom tries to dry hump Nash on the rebound. What a homo.

8:20 Walton is swarmed on the break, and Nash gets an easy deuce. Kwame again? Can this guy even play basketball? Why is he running over Shawn? What a homo. Tom brings up a good point...where's Turiaf? Who cares. He can't help. Kobe goes for the highlight reel down by 24. JONES BEATS THE BUZZER!!! NICE! 27 point lead. Lakers are naked now, according to Tom. Amare blocks Walton AGAIN, but Matrix fouls him, ticky-tack as it may be.

5:37 He can't hit his free throws, but the bounce goes back to L.A. for a Walton three. Nash hands it back to Walton, but Kobe keeps hitting the front of the rim. Not a good night for him at all. The foul calling is getting inconsistent as Junior is stripped under the basket. Three point play. Time to buckle down, boys. Laker defense is improved, but that's not saying much. Suns still score as shot clock runs down. Walton hits a three, but he's no Nash. Fortunately, Nash is Nash and answers with a three of his own. They need to stop the open jumpers. Or just let Nash hit another three. His stroke is so smooth. Nice ball movement by L.A. is for naught as Farmar hits the front of the rim. Amare gets the offensive foul while I wasn't looking, so I can't complain about the officiating. Time out. Suns up 86-63.

The game's slowed down a bit as the Laker defense has picked up. Not much to worry about, as the Suns are just holding serve for now. LB should be coming in to fix it all.

4:21 Amare intercepts Luke's pass. LB is a teller as he works the bank. A thing of beauty, indeed. Diaw shoves his good buddy on the interior pass. I still say he looks like a pimp with the straightened hair. Very girly. Well, he's not the answer to the Laker's offensive woes. Even LB goes above him for the rebound. Kobe looks scared as he faces LB. But the ball goes inside to Amare for the score. And Amare gets another foul? On the perimeter?

2:33 In comes Dirty Kurt to get Amare out of trouble, but that foul puts the Suns over the limit. Farmar meets Jody Jackson as he can't decide whether to pass or shoot. Big mistake, as the Suns run back. Nash misses, but Kurt gets the rebound. Diaw inexplicably gets the offensive flop...I mean foul. Kobe misses another lay up. Too bad for him because Raja just nailed another one...three, actually. Then he gets an open court up and under. Suns up by 28, and this is becoming laughable. Television bails Phil out with a time out. 95-67 Suns.

29.9 Man...Shammond can't shoot over Leandro. AWWWWWWWW!!! Marion misses the Diaw lob. Would have been spetacular, as it was out of everyone's reach. Diaw needs to shoot under the basket. Who cares if he misses his foul shots in a game like this?! If some of these shots weren't popping out after going halfway in, the Suns would be up by 40. Odom bowls over Diaw on the offensive end, and we see a very disheartened Kobe on the bench. Another one pops out for Marion, but Odom's barely hits the rim. Lamar gets away with a goaltend, and the crowd is unhappy. But they like the missed free throw by Bynum. Don't we all?

Joe Forte gets away with fouling Raja, who ends up heaving a one-handed three. D'Antoni's laughing, so I guess we all can, too. End of the third, and the Suns are just coasting in the good way. They're not giving up anything easily, and they're still answering whenever the Lakers find the net. We like this, yeah? Suns have their lowest scoring quarter of the game, with a measley 27 points. COME ON GUYS!!! PICK IT UP!!! 95 points is all you can muster against this weak ass defense?! Suns up 95-70, and we all share a big laugh as we are 12 minutes away from completely humiliating the Lakers. Suddenly, Amare's fourth foul doesn't seem so bad. He deserved a break. Will we see him again? Or will we get a dose of Burke-itis and his three-ballin' ways?

4th Quarter

10:55 Diaw opens with a jump shot. Raja isn't happy about Joe Forte's defense. No one wants to get hurt in a game like this. And just like that, MEEP MEEP!!! LB gets caught in the air, but gets it to KT who is fouled under the rack. He rolls in the first, and we have 100 FINALLY! 31 point game.

8:52 Maurice Evans gets a corner three, then LB gives a behind the back to Junior who promptly misses. Too bad. It was the Portugues Nash on that one. 10:03 left in the game, and we get our first D-3. Now THAT'S odd. HA! LB comes up with the loose ball, Smush or Shammond or SOMEONE was nailed to the half court floor. Leandro goes the unselfish route and gives Matrix the spectacular one handed jam. He comes back with a bomb, and it's the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner hour. Time out on the loose ball foul. The Suns score so fast that the espn box score can't keep up. They're stuck on 10:03. The update comes through, and it's 107-76. That would be a 31 point lead for the mathematically challenged.

Jalen Rose looks to be entering the game, and our laser pass is the Nash-Matrix-Amare Globetrotter impression. A thing of beauty, I say again. Leandro is a certified Laker killer.

7:59 Boris' pass is too soft and gets picked off. Rose wisely fouls on the floor, but then unwisely fouls Kobe the very next play. Evans is left alone in the corner. Amazingly, he hits it. Kobe's on the floor in pain as he tried to reach in on Leandro. Could this be his way of excusing himself from the game? That's what happens when you step underneath a man. You get your ankle stepped on. Dumb ass. He mans up and stays in.

5:44 Rose posts up and Kurt gets the offensive rebound and put back. Kurt is owning the kid on the boards, then sticks his jumper. About time he gets one of those to go. Jones dribbles in one step for the long two, and Boris is shoved out on the rebound opportunity. Leandro gets in trouble for sloppy dress, and it gives Marion and Bell a nice chuckle on the bench. Kids these days. Then he hits the 18 footer. The kid is amazing. He's tied his career playoff high with 26, and we have 6 minutes left. Diaw reminds us why he doesn't shoot threes. The backboard does not count as a bucket. Yes to the rebound, no to the shot clock.

I'm not a fan of Carlos Mencia, but he does make a good point about honesty. Women can be SO hypocritical.

Too bad Butler and I couldn't make this our game. Can you imagine two complete nutcases at THIS game? Majerle calls the high flyers, but there are just too many to follow. Matrix was ecstatic with the LB dish for the one-handed jam, though. When Shawn's smiling, the Suns are winning. Now...CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE!!! Kobe takes his bum ankle to the locker room.

4:07 Lakers stand around trying to post Bynum. God knows why. WE HAVE A BANKS SIGHTING!!! Good for him. It's been a disappointing season for him, and he deserves some playoff time. Too bad he could never get it together in this system. But, as I said earlier in the season, he's just a poor man's version of Leandro, and really has no place in Phoenix. He should have a good season in his next stop. This is just not the offense for him...too much thinking involved.

2:57 Rose still can't hit a three, but who cares at this point? It WOULD be nice if the bench played some perimeter defense. No reason the Laker rags should be nailing open threes. Banks gets a couple of free throws, and makes them. Welcome to the playoffs, young man. Good luck next year. Here's hoping you get to take some jewelry with you.

1:09 So my Internet Explorer crashed during the time out, and I lost my quartelry box scores. I guess it doesn't matter in a blow out. But I come back to see Pat Burke showing some nerves as he fumbles the rock, but he just got a lay in, so we're all good. This is what the Fitness Club signed for. They get a free ride to the title (hopefully), and get a few minutes for their resumes.

Turiaf makes two free throws, and it's 122-98 Suns. PIKE!!! Nice move cutting to the basket! He and Burke play some nice defense in the corner on some anonymous Laker (aren't they all anonymous, really?) Junior gets the evil eye for trying to dunk in garbage time. LET THE MAN HAVE HIS MOMENT! THIS IS FOR THE FANS! F-in French bastard. Junior gets the two points anyway and says "HA HA!" D'Antoni looks very content as the last 12 seconds tick away. This is one for the books and the ages. Congratulations Suns on breaking the Game 2 streak. You needed this...we needed this. Post game coming soonish.

Post Game

In honor of my Mormon homie, Dallin...

Suns rule, Lakers stink!

Seriously...this was exactly how this game should have gone. Nothing much to talk about because it was an absolute pasting of a team that fell off a cliff and landed on a jagged rock that is the seventh seed of the Western Conference Playoffs. The Lakers have no business being here, and the Suns are reminding them of the futility of the whole situation. The Suns are bar none the best team in all of basketball because the only team that can beat them is the Phoenix Suns. They can play through any defense as long as they move the ball, keep the tempo up, and make their open shots and free throws. There is no reason this Suns team shouldn't bring home the first championship in franchise history.

Yes, the Lakers are a horrible team masked by a lights-out scorer. But we saw the Suns play their style in the face of an angry foe. The Lakers could have put up more of a fight, but they just had their hearts ripped out by the Portuguese Road Runner on Sunday. Tonight, they got it from all other angles, as well. It just goes to show that one Suns player can beat another team by himself. When that player has help in the form of Steve Nash, Shawn Marion, Amare Stoudemire, and Raja Bell, there is nothing anyone can do. It's just a matter of time.

Chuck says that the Lakers should go to plan B and run with the Suns. Is his ass really THAT big to be doing the thinking for him? Ernie tries to talk sense into him, but Charles just doesn't know.

Kenny Smith thinks that Kwame is a difference maker for the Lakers, but he's been hurting. Bull. Kwame can NOT play with Stat. Now Chuck says they gotta play better defense. Weren't these guys saying that the Lakers played great defense on Sunday? Chuck says he's big in Phoenix. Kenny reminds him that he's big everywhere. Does Charles really think he's loved here anymore? They're going through the highlights, and Barkley complains that the Suns got too many lay ups.

Come on, Chuck...the Lakers played defense as well as they ever will in that third quarter, when they held Phoenix to 27 points. The Suns defense swarmed all over the Lakers until the Fitness club came in. Even then, the Lakers couldn't win a quarter. Say it with me, Charles...the Lakers cannot play with the Suns. It is not possible. Admit it for the whole world to hear. You'll feel beter than you do after finding a box of Krispy Kremes in the middle of Broadway.

Now time to take care of business on the road. One game at a time, one win at a time. Losing is not an option. Let's just get this taken care of. It's all business from here on out. We haven't won anything yet, but we're on our way. Go Suns.

More on this game in another entry...if I can be bothered.